


Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye

by J_Laurens



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Calum's really mopey, Hurt Michael, I'm sorry it's 3am, M/M, Michael's angry, Sad Calum, malum, my ending sucks and is rushed, slight ambiguous ending, this is kind of sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-03-16 17:55:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3497477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_Laurens/pseuds/J_Laurens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We spent so long pretending to be 'just friends' that eventually it became true."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> I found this prompt on tumblr and I was in the mood to write some angst. I haven't posted here in a while.. whoops. I apologize for any grammatical and spelling errors there may be, also any sadness I may have caused. 
> 
> Title from Lullabies - All Time Low

Calum watched Michael play the guitar longer than anyone, he grew up with him. He was the first one Michael told when he said he wanted to be in a band and be like Jack Barakat. But Calum was a lot of firsts for Michael. Well, actually, they were a lot of firsts for each other.

They were each other’s first kisses, they were each other’s first times, more importantly, they were each other’s first loves.

Calum frowned, no matter how he hard he tried to forget all of this, it was still stuck there. More prominent and vivid than the last time. It was a permanent memory stuck in his brain, probably for the rest of his life. Like a scar from a burn, the only difference was Calum still felt the sting. But who wouldn’t when the love of your life is right beside you all day, everyday and pretending like everything is okay and nothing’s changed when it’s blatantly obvious to the both of you that everything has?

Maybe Michael’s just a better actor than Calum is. Maybe he stays up all night just as desperate to just go back into _their_  room and sleep in  _their_   bed and when he wakes up everything will just be normal again, that they’ll cuddle and everything will just be okay. But unfortunately, to Calum, that just sounds like wishful thinking.

And it’s even more unfortunate that that doesn’t stop Calum from crying into his pillow every night just wishing and praying that he can obtain the strength to get up and crawl into Michael’s arms like he’s so used to doing and sleep peacefully for the first time in three months. That’d be better than what’s happening now, avoiding each other as much as humanly possible for two people that work together, sleep in the same house, hotel, or bus without trying to make it obvious so the fans don’t start suspecting anything. It’s even worse when they do accidentally cross paths. They just sit and stare at each other, blank expressions, and mournful eyes. Calum trying to find the words to say what he really wants to, and Michael just hoping that Luke or Ashton will walk in and take away some of the tension that fills the room. It doesn’t actually change anything though, because Calum still has to see Michael live his dreams every night on stage, he gets to watch him smile and play like his life depends on it. And he’s good at it, and Calum is  _so fucking proud of him._ But that also means Calum has to watch Michael go home with new people every night, he has that same smirk on his face as he leans in close and whispers in their ear, and it’s always the same. The girl or boy would blush furiously and nod their heads, and then Michael would smile smugly and take them into his room, leaving the other boys behind, leaving Calum behind. Maybe Calum never gets the courage to go to Michael’s room because he’s too scared of what he’ll find.

But that’s the whole problem isn’t it? Calum’s too scared. Too scared to tell Michael the truth, too scared to admit why he only ever writes sad songs now, he’s just too fucking scared. He doesn’t really know when this happened, he supposes it was the overwhelming feeling of it all. The fame, the fans, the media, all of it. They speculated and inspected every aspect of his life, his love life was probably the biggest deal. Calum could’ve easily told the truth, that he was bisexual and in love with his best friend and the guitarist of his band, and that he and Michael had been dating for years. No one was stopping him, in fact, most people encouraged it. It was 2015, who cared anymore? Calum did, he didn’t know why but he did. So he lied, he said he wasn’t with anyone, that he wasn’t even interested in anyone, excluding the joking remarks about female celebrities. He pretended like he didn’t see Michael’s smile falter, or the disappointment in his eyes when the question was answered.

It worked, or at least they tried to make it work. They were just friends in public, they played the part well, probably because they were friends. Best friends. But now, Calum doubts that even that was true. The thing he wanted to know most was when them pretending to be just friends became true. It was subtle at first, and both parts played a role. Michael would pull away from their kisses quicker than he used to, he stopped wanting to cuddle as much, he slept as far away as he could in their shared bed, and Calum didn’t confront him. He didn’t pull Michael in to another kiss, he didn’t pout until Michael gave into cuddles, he didn’t scoot closer to Michael in bed, he didn’t fight for him. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t. They stopped sleeping together as often, them, who used to barely be able to keep their hands off each other barely batted an eye when the other said they were going to shower now. When they did have sex though, it was a lot of rough thrusts and growls and pent up anger from Michael, and a lot apologies and whines from Calum. Soft kisses were exchanged afterwards along with soft spoken, half asleep ‘I love yous.’ They would fall asleep that night with their limbs entwined and smiles on their faces, and they were better for a while after that. But eventually, the effort for that was even too hard, and  maybe that was the turning point for them, when it became an effort to be them.

Their relationship used to be happy smiles, late nights, and screaming in the absolute _best_ way possible. It was filled with laughter and carefree decisions, neither of them had to try because it just worked for them. They were Michael and Calum, Calum and Michael, attached at the hip and so so in love.

Calum let out a choked sob because he didn’t understand why, and now he just wanted Michael back but he couldn’t have him now and it was all his fault. Michael loved him with every fibre in his being, but so did Calum. Maybe it wasn’t enough? Maybe carefree love just doesn’t work.

Calum screams into his pillow as the most excruciating memory returns, vivid and  _real._

_He can see himself walk over to the bar stool Michael was sitting at, reading his twitter mentions with the easy smile that was always on his face. He didn’t look up until Calum cleared his throat, rubbing his sweaty palms against his skinny jean clad thighs, ignoring the quiver in his hands as he opened his mouth and said the thing he regrets most, “I think we need to break up.” He spoke clearly, but as soon as the words left his mouth he wanted to lunge into Michael’s arms and never let go. He wanted to cry that he didn’t mean it and that he loved Michael and that he wants to come out. But before he could do any of that, Michael nodded, those beautiful green eyes cold, as he spoke, “Okay.” He said, before getting up and walking up to their -his- room, he threw all of Calum’s stuff outside the door before slamming it shut._

Calum let out another loud sob, screaming again as it played over and over, the words ringing in his head. He didn’t care if anyone heard him, he didn’t care about anything anymore, because Michael won’t be the one to come in and comfort him and it’s all Calum’s fault.

So he drank. A lot. He tried to hook up with other girls, guys, anyone. But he couldn’t do it, no matter how drunk he got, _it still wasn't Michael._

So Calum settled watching the older boy. Shooting daggers at everyone that offered to buy the purple haired boy a drink, or asked him to dance. The worst part about any of this though was the fact that Michael almost always agreed.

Ashton was usually the one to lug Calum into the house and try to sober him up. He was the one to take care of him and comfort him when he cried, and although Calum appreciated it, it didn’t help much. It just reminded him of how much more he missed Michael.

Calum doesn’t really remember falling asleep that night, but he’s relieved when he wakes up to have had a dreamless sleep, glad that Michael didn’t haunt his dreams. His eyes were swollen and his hair was a mess, his head hurt but what else was new? He got up, took the pain killers, and showered. Falling into the same routine he had everyday, he would walk down the stairs and Luke and Ashton would both look up with pity in their eyes as they saw the swollen brown ones, Michael would avoid his gaze. Calum would cough and his voice would crack from the lack of using it as he asked what they were doing that day. Ashton or Luke would reply with their schedule of either soundcheck and then a concert or would tell him who was writing with who that day. But this time it was different, this time Ashton and Luke were writing together. Which meant that Calum would have to write with  _him._

Ashton gave him a half sorry looking smile and shrugged, clapping him on the back before walking upstairs to get ready to write, Luke following in suit.

Calum didn’t say anything, he just averted his eyes from Michael’s gaze and went to make his breakfast. He kept his head down as he put toast in the toaster, biting his lower lip hard and chewing on it as the awkward silence filled the room.

Michael coughed and stared at his hands, licking his lips before sighing out, “How have you been?”

Calum refrained from snapping at him that he knew Michael heard him crying himself to sleep every night. Instead he settled for a mere, “Alright, and you?”

“Okay,” Michael chewed on his lower lip, “Erm.. listen.. I really want to talk to yo-”

  
“Guys hurry up!” Luke yelled from upstairs, “You’re going to be late if you don’t leave soon!”

Calum shook his head in disbelief, but yelled back, “Okay we’re coming!” He sighed and turned to Michael, looking at him with wide, yearning eyes. “You were saying?” He asked, not even caring how desperate he sounded.

Michael stared back at him, frowning slightly as he shook his head. “It isn’t important,” He said softly before running upstairs to finish getting ready.

Calum stared after him, wishing he could just slide down to the floor and cry right there. But he instead shook himself out of it and ate quickly as he put his shoes on, waiting for Michael to come back downstairs before walking out the door to go meet with other writers.

The car ride was quiet, not a word spoken between the two as they both stared out the opposite window. They talked as little as possible the entire day, Michael only looking at Calum sadly as they wrote yet another sad song. Calum knew only a couple of his songs would make it on the next album.

Calum crawled into bed as soon as they got into the house, clinging onto his pillow and wishing it was Michael, he cried silently, tears rolling down his cheeks rapidly, sobs beginning to slowly fall from his lips as he hugged the pillow tighter, not caring enough to cover it up today because was there really a point anymore?

He doesn’t even acknowledge the knock on his door later that night because it’s probably Ashton which won’t make him feel any better so he ignored it, biting his lip to try and quiet his cries. He frowned when the door opened, turning around to face the very source of why Calum was crying in the first place was making a silhouette in the doorway and Calum stared up at him, not even bothering to wipe his eyes, there was no point in trying to hide the fact that he was crying.

Michael let out a quiet sigh, he sounded tired. “When are you going to give this up?” He asked quietly, looking at the top of Calum’s head, since his head was hanging down.

Calum rolled his eyes and wiped his nose with his sleeve, “I’m sorry, is my crying a turn off for you?” He muttered bitterly, refusing to meet Michael’s distant gaze.

Michael crossed his arms over his chest and let out a huff in annoyance, “Your crying is bothering me. I’m fucking sick of you moping around Calum, you broke up with me so why do you get to be the miserable one?” He asked coldly, taking further steps into the bedroom.

Calum’s head snapped up and his jaw clenched, looking directly into Michael’s green eyes for the first time in months They looked absent, distant, dead. “How am I meant to feel about it Michael?!” he demanded, his fists clenching as he stared back at him, his eyes narrowing.

“If you’re so goddamn depressed then maybe you shouldn’t have broken up with me in the first place!” He yelled angrily, glaring back at Calum as he ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

Calum looked at him, standing up suddenly, “I didn’t mean to!” He cried out, closer to Michael than he’s been in the past three months, their chests nearly touching.

Michael took another step forward, and Calum was slightly thankful for them being the same height as their chests pressed together, Michael letting out angry breaths. “How didn’t you mean to?!” He insisted, pushing Calum back slightly by the shoulders, his eyes set in a death glare as Calum stumbled over his own feet slightly. “Huh? How can you ‘accidentally’ break up with someone?” He practically screamed whilst making air quotes with his fingers.

Calum’s eyebrows furrowed and he frowned deeply, “I didn’t want to..” He whispered, his eyes lowering, finally breaking Michael’s gaze.

Michael watched him, his own expression softening, much to his dismay.

Calum looked up and sniffled, biting his plump lower lip gently as he sat back on the bed. “What happened to us?” He asked quietly, his shoulders slumping.

Michael let out a quiet sigh and sat next to Calum, their shoulders brushing as he looked down at his hands that fell into his lap, tucking his bottom lip between his teeth. “We just spent so long pretending to be ‘just friends’ that eventually it became true.” He said, his voice a quiet murmur.

Calum sniffled quietly and looked up at him, his lower lip quivering slightly as his eyes watered, “but now we aren’t even friends.” He whispered, his voice small and sad as he said it. He looked back down, his head hanging. “I miss you,” He sobbed, covering his mouth.

Michael was slightly taken aback by this display, wrapping a comforting arm around Calum’s shoulder and pulling him into his chest as if it were his second nature, wrapping his arms entirely around Calum, his hand rubbing up and down his back in a reassuring manner. His face in Calum’s hair and Calum’s nuzzled into Michael’s neck, “I miss you too,” Michael whispered hoarsely, “More and more everyday.” He sighed.

Calum sniffed and hugged Michael tightly, breathing in Michael’s scent, he smelt like home. “Please don’t let me go,” He muttered, closing his eyes.

Michael squeezed Calum’s small frame even tighter and shook his head, “I won’t.” He said in such a genuine voice Calum knew it to be nothing but true.

Maybe their relationship still wasn’t perfect, maybe it never would be. But all Calum knew that he belonged in Michael’s arms, and that he could never leave, because no matter what, Michael was his home.

 

**Author's Note:**

> My ending isn't the best, I sort of suck at them. But thanks so much for reading and please leave me your thoughts! All feedback is appreciated! xx.


End file.
